I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
