the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
