Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
