would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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