Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
