Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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