i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sarcasm needs its own font
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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