im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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