There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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