I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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