he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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