apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
