I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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