Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
