Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
