There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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