So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
