I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
