Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
