Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
