week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
