therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if only i could text you this smell
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
