Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
