The maid of honor just puked.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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