Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
