Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
