Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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