Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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