Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
