I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
