Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
