OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
