one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
