Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like eating out sand paper
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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