i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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