I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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