I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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