I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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