Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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