i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
