this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
