ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
