it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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