I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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