I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
