how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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