hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
