found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to sanitize my soul.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
