Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't deserve a penis
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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