The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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